Between Brisbane and Japan, some whimsy and Dan (All contents © Dan Ryan, unless noted)

Poetry

Combini love

You’re a street ghost

reflected in glass eyeballs and mundane mirrors.

I see your gasps of benevolent color…

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…and I am drawn in.

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I can’t help myself.

I want to love you and have with you

a festival as I am swimming

in your tubs of warm sweet-broth oden.

(Pictures taken in at the Mini Stop Nakanoekikitaguchi, Tokyo in September, 2013)

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My Former Hanami—A small handful of grace

I walked from Nakano to Shinjuku alone

but

I was never really alone or ever am.

The city was with me.

A god-pigeon was with me.

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We watched hanami pass into hanafubuki,

as the city shook the petals loose.

I took them from the ground,

petals like silken snow

falling on harsh pavements and concrete.

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Enjoy hanafubuki.

It can be just as beautiful as hanami.

There are patterns to all of it,

everything has a place randomly assigned.

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As I stood there at Kandagawa,

my hand full of Tokyo’s grace,

I looked nearby to the street,

and saw

the post-hanami trash had it’s own kind of beautiful pattern too.

(Pictures taken near the intersection of Otakibashi-dori and the Kanda River (Kandagawa) in April, 2012)

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Life With Her—A small marriage poem

After 14 years of marriage

I wish I could say

that we made each other breakfast in bed

or that she bought me a fob chain and I bought her a set of combs.

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But it is, on the raining surface, just another day,

and in the forthcoming movie

she gets ready for work

while I edit photographs and

dream of making love to her in Tokyo

under this cherry tree I know in Ueno Park.

The loving endurance is the thing, the gift,

the brilliant flawed red ruby

that shines in the eyes and makes all tears

ever

things of value, grit, beauty.

It is the sunshine the gods weren’t smart enough to invent,

It’s taking out the garbage when the corpses are stacked like cord wood.

It’s laundry in an abattoir where your heart will always beat on a wood table

because you trust her never to cut nor damage it.

It is eggs in a silver cup

and ramen in a bowl of the finest paper-thin jade.

It is not a technological turn-key solution,

where you put on the rings

and suddenly stop growing together

and there are children and babies and

every in-law loves you and

you are suddenly serious contenders for a Nobel Prize.

There are fewer integrated circuits to the thing than that.

And really I wish

we could talk about this more but

I have to go make her a cup of coffee right now

and give her a hug

and kiss her goodbye.

Because you don’t just send the greatest person you’ve ever known

out into the world

without some love

and the power it gives them

to be immortal for just one more day.

(Pictures taken at the San Mateo County Fair, sometime in the 1990s. Published concurrently on Scholars and Rogues.)

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All The Myriad Faces—A small women’s day

Behind this glass

you look at us.

And we look at you.

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But to you

we are just

some scenery you chew.

Pass by, pass by

we are now done with you.

(Picture taken in Nakano Broadway, Tokyo in September, 2013. Published concurrently on Scholars and Rogues.)

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Happy Snack Times—A small skew

I come for the soju,

I stay for the pictures.

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The entire fucking history of Japan,

and of Tokyo,

is in the eyes, the skins, the frosty cocktail glasses

in these pictures of the lives of the

people on these walls.

I like it here.

(Picture taken in Seoul Bar, Sanya (Nihonzutsumi), Tokyo in October, 2013. Published concurrently on Scholars and Rogues.)

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Disgruntled Song—A small rock city

This is the seriously-no-bullshit soup plate,

Where it all falls asunder into metal,

and I don’t mean angry white men playing guitars.

It’s peaceful, the undying here,

and I’m trying to figure out how to make some art out of this monstrous tranquility.

I throw compassionate grenades,

and perform brutally humane triage.

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I’ve crushed my skull for genius

and I’ve banished my excellent demons for you.

There is no distance I would not

throw my combat liver over the Sea of Japan for you.

I will become a great ape for the sight of you,

and holler my guttural mating call

down into Tokyo’s darkest gutters to summon you.

There is dark growth here in my muddy extremes,

and the old Edo gods who once bore you you bear,

and I still think I’ll start drinking before noon today.

(Picture taken in Sanya (Nihonzutsumi), Tokyo in October, 2013. Click here for a different photo. Published concurrently on Scholars and Rogues.)

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Rain Passing—A small reminisce

It is raining today in Brisbane, California.

I like to call it a fine Tokyo rain.

Because Tokyo taught me

to love the space between the drops and

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to love the dirt-city vistas beyond the falling curtains and

to love the rain like it was my mother

who would never dissolve me like sugars to run down

the gutters to sweeten the trash for the sewer rats.

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(Pictures taken in Shinjuku, Tokyo in October, 2013. Published concurrently on Scholars and Rogues.)

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Blur Between Two Ghosts—A small strange store

She passed me.

She didn’t see me.

I remained still.

I didn’t see her.

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Until,

in the grotesque way

of all the crowded heavens in Tokyo,

I saw her delicate passing

non-substance downloaded on

my tengu-blue digital screen.

(Picture taken in Nakano Broadway, Tokyo in September, 2013)

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I Ghost Past—A small unfocused

I sizzle strange orbs unto you

I fillet your brain with my electric aura surround

I am the secret agent blurring your vision

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I am the God of Tokyo

And you can’t capture me on film.

Well, mostly.

(Picture taken in Nakano Sun Mall, Tokyo on September 11th, 2013)

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Winter In Summer—A small imagination

I am no owner of clandestine property,

I take my leisure in ancient streets

that have been paved for centuries

with blood, stone, and alcohol.

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All of Tokyo belongs to me

except where I happen to be sitting

every minute of every day in every place of my life.

I can’t imagine how it got this way.

But I live with it,

and I often imagine that it is winter

and I am dreaming of summer, and

I often imagine that it is summer

and I am dreaming of winter.

(Picture taken in Sanya, Minami-senju, Tokyo on October 4th, 2013)

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Michele Like A Starship—A small cherish

It’s quiet here

at the galaxy’s core.

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I don’t suppose the stars would stop moving

even if we asked them to.

I have considered doing so.

Night after night we bathe in ever-moving light,

some of it from the sun we abandoned

so many birthdays ago

surely it must have extinguished by now.

If you had never been born

I would have found you anyway,

used the machines we have spun

from neutrinos and platinum and DNA

to go back in time and find a way to make you exist.

The centuries, they are mere miles for us,

and the best ones we lived, we lived on Earth.

No, I don’t miss it, I would rather be here with you,

even though it amazes me that we still have to change cat litter.

And other corporeal things, this ring.

I shall always wear it.

Remember when I lost the stone that Christmas in the 21st century?

I’ve beat the hell out of this ring, but I shall always wear it.

The circle of it remains perfect,

the nicks in it are the hieroglyphs of our history.

And on your birthday, like it is today,

I look where the stone was

and remember that the love which first set the stone remains,

after all this time it remains.

And that, as ever,

is always good enough for me.

—Love, Dan, January 9th, 2013

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The Cigarette After Christmas—A small joyous

(Dedicated to my wife Michele…)

It is good to be here with you,

in this utterly corrupt and beautiful place.

The touch of your hand reminds me

we are links in a chain forged in blood and love,

corrupted by god, or whoever does his marketing.

The greatest gift I got this past Christmas day

was another day of life,

a chance to let my eyes frown unguarded at the bright sun

and marvel at the softness of the belly of the cat you held in your hands.

I have lain my fingers upon the beating pulse of the world,

and felt in each moment of its flow the death and rebirth

of hope and joy and murder and disdain.

These things are all of us

and I have to celebrate the bad along with the good

until the bad is no longer part of life,

but a long-gone memory of the lesser beings we used to be.

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It will be a different year soon,

we get so easily tired of the old one,

and every day of it that I have with you

will be a horrendous mess of loveliness

and a sequel to every movie never made

about the lives we live every day.

You can’t buy that kind of quality;

It must be woven into your DNA,

the very living stuff that floated down here from space,

and decided to make itself into our eyeballs and lies and dreams.

So let’s have a drink to that, or more,

as many as we can hold.

There’s no reason to hate the fact

that we have many more Christmases to come

but

we will never get nearly as many as we want.

(Picture taken in a small park in Nakano-ku, Tokyo in April, 2012)

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3 Poems Published On Other Planets—A small word or two

I was recently digging through some old papers in my basement, and found a couple of poetry journals that published my work back in 1989. So I scanned the pages and decided to publish my old words here for you to (hopefully) enjoy. Oh, and the pages look wrinkled because they got water damaged from rain that leaked into a plastic storage bin with an unsecured lid. Sorry.

This is from the Spring, 1989 issue of Poet Lore, which The Writer’s Center still publishes

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The following two poems are from the Summer, 1989 issue of Poetry Nippon, which is no longer published as far as I can tell…

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And as an added bonus, this is the poster which promoted an exhibition of my Tokyo in the Underbrush work at my alma mater, Lehigh University, in 1989. The picture of the old woman in the box is now in the Lehigh University Art Galleries permanent collection. Yay for me!!

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Thanks for looking around. Hope you had fun.

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Muggs In Space—A small long, long time

It’s odd,

I am to embark upon a journey soon. To another planet, a planet I have visited before.

A planet where I once lived,

and felt comfortable.

I left under a cloud of things which can only be described

by fanatical men in bowties made of glass.

They reflect the things they observe, therefore they see very little.

This is the way of things where I live.

I see people I know in the streets of my town.

I know their names and ailments and favorite types of heart bypasses.

And I have grown tired of caring about their problems. I need a break from them.

I want to go someplace else and misunderstand another culture’s problems.

It’s easier that way.

I have to go pack my bags, for I always take part of my world to another.

So while I get ready to leave my world, I will listen to what I assume will one day be

considered classical music much as Brahms and Scott Joplin are today.

And I will wonder what it would sound like if

Elton John had sung “Rocket Man” in Japanese.

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More words and pictures forthcoming from

http://www.abikofreepress.com/

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Bored, Rainy Day—A small wandering story

There’s a map of everything to everywhere…..

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….on my front porch.

There’s nothing deeper here than that

except

a lesson I may have learned while I was out past my porch running some errands for my in-laws.

My mother-in-law

needed me to dispose of a stiff, dead opossum she had found in her yard.

My father-in-law

needed me to buy him some Duracell 312 hearing aid batteries and three packs of True menthol 100 cigarettes.

So, the opossum ended up in a bag which I tossed into a dumpster behind our local grocery market here in Brisbane,

and I

ended up in a run-down CVS pharmacy just off the El Camino Real in South San Francisco, California.

Cigarettes and hearing aid batteries for the elderly are always in such places. It is the joy of these places.

And they have El Jimador tequila, which I have never tried.

But I have smelled it because of the weaving-drunk man who was behind me, even though I didn’t ask.

We were both in line, and I had

my cigarettes and batteries.

He had his fifth of El Jimador tequila, and a copy of Maxim magazine

(which I found pleasing because it had a picture of a lovely woman with enormous tits on the cover.)

And this guy looked rough, and he was Latino, and that didn’t matter

because he looked my age

and it was Friday night

and the only thing he could weave about to plan and do was to buy El Jimador tequila and Maxim magazine

and go off wherever he had to go in the rain.

My birthday is upon me.

I’ll be 48.

And I don’t pray but I did make a sort of vow to myself that,

for the rest of my life,

I will never be the kind of man who swerves into a run-down CVS pharmacy in South San Francisco, California on a Friday night

to buy

a bottle of cheap tequila and a big-titty-girl magazine

and then shuffle off into the rain and the night.

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The 2003 Las Vegas Prose Poem—A small souvenir of Singapore

In Las Vegas

A high school reunion!!

A disaster.

People I don’t know anymore, people I never knew. Cold appetizers. Pricey drinks. Vegas at its finest.

People I knew and never liked. High school nostalgia at its finest.

(The girl who almost took my virginity didn’t show. Probably has kids and a disaffected husband by now.)

So I leave, not saying goodbye.

Goodbye was a long time ago, only no one told my classmates.

My flight is in fifteen hours, but I need some beer and sleep.

I leave the reunion casino.

I leave the Vegas strip.

There’s a world, mere yards away, covered with broken liquor glass and little flyers strewn about like leaves from a porno tree.

It makes me feel better. It’s dirty and ugly and more human than a cane attached to an old lady attached to a Wheel of Fortune slot machine.

I find the last hotel room in the western United States.

And I am overcharged for it. So what.

7-11 is nearby. The beer is cheap. The ice is free. The air conditioner works. There is cable TV.

I am a free man.

I don’t have to pretend the people in high school were the best time of my life. The girl who almost took my virginity almost was.

I am alone in Vegas, and I have taken the time to make myself a free man. I have learned a life lesson here.

But the cable TV only gets 10 channels.

Goddammit.

My flight is in thirteen hours.

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In September, 2003, I flew from San Francisco to Las Vegas to attend a reunion for people in the United States who had graduated from, or merely attended, the Singapore American School (SAS) in the ‘70s, ‘80s or ‘90s. I ‘merely attended’ SAS for my freshman, sophomore and half my junior years of high school. My adventures in Singapore would make up a good-sized chunk of anyone’s memoirs; but suffice it to say I made friends at SAS with whom I kept in touch long after I probably should have. I felt like I had evolved beyond my need for them.

But my beloved wife convinced me it would be a good idea to attend the 2003 Vegas reunion. And so I did, and the results are stated pretty clearly in the poem-narrative above. High school in Singapore was not a bad experience for me. In most ways it was the opposite of a bad experience.

But high school there did not construct within me a deep well of nostalgia from which I felt I frequently had to draw the waters of happy, loving memory. It was what it was, and I have never felt contempt for anything related to my high school or anyone else’s, with the exception of people who cling relentlessly to their high school memories and behold them as the best times of their lives.

I wrote the poem for an assignment in a 600-level English class at San Francisco State University, and presented it on September 23, 2003. Can’t remember what grade I got. It doesn’t matter anyway. I didn’t finish what I started at SF State any more than I graduated from SAS.

So there you have it. The people I knew at SAS are long removed from me in distance and time, and I have not seen or spoken to any of them since Las Vegas.

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Gone, Just Gone—A small, ever-flowing teardrop

Gone, just gone.

The bubblegum kids no one is ever going to know, rotting out their lives in the cold of Mishima’s boiling sea.

There’s grace in the truncheons of justice they may have become.

There’s iron will in the blood they will never spill on land.

There’s a permanent school of candyfloss and diamond textbooks waiting to teach them about the ghosts of great emperors.

It’s the time when they died that will never forgive, and will ever hate itself for taking them walking to the undersea graves of lost civilizations.

There’s teeny shoes floating in the sea that had warm, happy feet in them.

There’s a TV somewhere that always shows cartoons only Japanese children can understand.

There’s a tear we cry for strangers who will never grow up to be our friends.

Or invent new light.

Or cure the gangrene in our hateful bones.

There is soil that will never be disturbed, for there is no reason to displace it for graves.

It is fine soil, still, and we should honor it by planting flowers that taste like rice candy.

We should remember that sometimes the bubblegum kids see with both a living and a dead set of eyes.

And we should love them, and we should remember them,

And we should hold what we know of them with a warmth that radiates down into the deepest chasm at the bottom of the sea.

(—For the lost children of Japan after March 11th, 2011. This poem was published on Scholars and Rogues on March 11th, 2014.)

“Gone, just gone” video created on March 11th, 2014
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Sadness Day—A small verse

Dripping, raining

No one is complaining.

The twelfth of today is never.

The mind suffers

From winsome gout.

I wish I had my friends all about.

There is something

In the nothing I say.

I will return to

The movie I see

And see if it says something of me.

And, I suppose,

I will try to forget this day.

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